Trust is a choice that we make; the fact of the matter is that we have to choose to trust unless we have a reason and concrete evidence not to trust. The thought of your partners ex still calling can be worrying because of what they shared in the past, the worry being that old feeling might be rekindled. But unless your boyfriend has given you a reason not to trust him then you just have to choose to trust him and stop allowing phone calls from his ex to bother you. its a mental decision you have to make.
I must on the other hand say that it isnï¿½t right for him to be receiving phone calls from his ex in those hours; it shows that he hasnï¿½t created boundaries with her that she feels that she can call him anytime. He needs to create those boundaries and let her know that calling at certain times isnï¿½t acceptable. This is something that I myself had to rectify in my relationship. Certain people where calling me at odd times and my wife wasnï¿½t pleased, it wasnï¿½t that I was doing anything wrong with them but they were crossing their boundaries, some people just shouldnï¿½t have the right to call you at certain hours, they should respect your relationship and your home and call at decent times.
My wife believes that when another woman is calling a committed man late at night, she might have ulterior motives and is trying to find a way to get close to the guy, and the fact that she calls that late shows that she doesnï¿½t respect the woman in his life. My wife also says in cases like this that it isnï¿½t me she doesnï¿½t trust but the ladies that donï¿½t have the common sense not to call at indecent hours. There has to be boundaries and your boyfriend has to create them with his ex so that the disrespect stops. This is something I always emphasise when giving christian relationship advice on issues like this.
Ok after saying all that I need to say something to you in love so please here my heart and donï¿½t see this as me trying to judge you but rather see it as me trying to help you out of wanting the best for you. You asked for Christian relationship advice and that’s exactly what I’m giving you. I got the impression from your email that you and your boyfriend are living together, if you are around late hours and early hours of the morning to know that his ex calls him at those times then that says to me that you guys are living to together or you spend the night with him sometimes (please forgive me if I have drawn the wrong conclusion and stop reading this now if my conclusion is wrong, however, if I am correct please read on…)
If you are living together or staying the night regularly with him outside of marriage then as a Christian, that isnï¿½t right. It would be wrong for me to notice something like that and not say so, God would judge me for not trying to correct my sister in love so I have to bring some correction. I cant claim to be giving Christian relationship advice and not address this.
Living together outside of marriage might be a popular thing but it isnï¿½t necessarily the right thing, when you are living together without being married you are in essence living like you are married without the true commitment of having gone to the altar and said your vows before God. In essence you are violating Gods principles for relationships and when you violate Gods principles you are setting up yourself for some serious consequences, God will not bless what he is not involved in and he will not reward disobedience. If you want your relationship to be successful then you have to learn to conduct it with the boundaries God has set.
The chances are that if you are living together or staying the night regularly with him outside of marriage, you are probably having sex outside of marriage as well (again forgive me if my conclusion is wrong, but in most cases when people are living together, they are sleeping together.)
Whether we like it or not, sex outside of marriage is wrong, sex is reserved for marriage, for two people who have vowed before God to spend the rest of their lives together. You see, the danger is that you are allowing him to enjoy the benefits of marriage without any true commitment; he is enjoying the goods without paying the price and if he decides that he doesnï¿½t want the relationship anymore today he can just walk away because there is no marriage. You also mentioned that you have been together for 7 years, after 7 years of being in a relationship and there is still no marriage it might be evidence that he has become comfortable and is not in a rush to get married because he already has all the benefits for free and there is no incentive to get married.
This might also be the reason behind some of the issues you have with him receiving calls from his ex, sex outside of marriage causes trust issues because if he has had sex with you outside of marriage then what are the chances that he wonï¿½t do it with someone else, you also mentioned that he was intimate with his ex, if he was intimate with her and things didnï¿½t work out with them, what are the chances that things will work out with you guys?
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