‘Our thinking and our behavior are always in anticipation of a response.’ ‘ Deepok Chopra
It may sound crazy, but what you’re feeling as you approach a woman you find attractive is just as important as the first thing you say to her. Why? Just as Deepok Chopra states above, we move forward into action already anticipating the response. So depending on how you’re feeling when you approach a woman you’re usually anticipating success ‘ or more often ‘ failure. Then you anticipate how you’ll feel in response to this response (i.e. frustration, anger, etc.) and this feeling then permeates your whole being. Every one of your molecules quiver with the energy of what you ‘think’ might happen.
Yep, my good men, your anticipation of failure can make you a walking ‘dark cloud’ women decide they want to avoid from a mile away… Your anticipation of failure can make you a cranky angry mess that women want to get away from as fast as possible.
Putting it this way, you can see that anticipating failure isn’t your best choice of emotions now, is it? Anticipating failure makes you combative at a time when you want to be engaging instead. It can literally give your words a challenging ring many women find offensive. Many men believe they’re being funny and cocky, when in fact; the tone of their voice puts women’s teeth on edge.
Anticipating success, on the other hand, can make us act in a way that’s ‘cocksure’ in an annoying manner that many women want to shoot down.
So what can you do about it? You can change your expectations. I suggest you anticipate neither ‘success’ nor ‘failure’. I suggest a third option ‘ and that’s focusing on a ‘positive exchange’. That’s right, what I propose you try is to remove yourself from the ‘success’ or ‘failure’ game of anticipation all together. Instead, I recommend you focus all of your energy on engaging the woman in a way that both of you will find positive.
Why do this? Once you step back from expectations of ‘success’ or ‘failure’ the pressure’s off. Instead of your body filling up with angry emotions (or even the anticipation of elation) you can just be you. You can then move forward and live in the ‘moment’. Why is this so important? Because when we live in anticipation we’ve got all kinds of conversation going on in our minds that has nothing to do with what’s actually going on right here and right now. Sometimes the conversations are so loud we’re oblivious to what’s going on right in front of us.
And to engage women successfully you need to be totally focused on what’s going on right in front of you ‘ her. Moving your focus to engaging the women a positive exchange opens up a whole new world of possibilities. First, you let yourself off the hook. You give yourself breathing space. Instead of needing to get a phone number, or ‘yes’ to a date, you can step back you can be really curious about this gorgeous creature in front of you.
Beautiful, desirable women get hit on all the time. We all know this. What they don’t get enough of? Being listened to. Trust me, women aren’t fooled by us. They know full well the difference between our gazing at them pretending to pay attention when in fact we’re either listening to our own insecurities, or playing out a fantasy in which they play the starring role.
You may think that’s giving a woman your attention. It isn’t. It’s either self mutilation or masturbation, but it isn’t getting you any closer to knowing the beautiful girl in front of you. Recently while I was flipping channels I caught a bit of A&E;’s ‘Biography’ series about actor Richard Gere. Why is this man still considered so damn sexy by women? From the youngest to the oldest all of the actresses (some of the most beautiful, desirable women in Hollywood) said the same thing ‘ Richard listens.
By really listening, you can make almost any conversation a positive exchange, even if the woman at first seems combative herself. In fact, that can be one of your most powerful tools ‘ learning to turn an exchange with a beautiful woman who’s obviously in a bad mood into a positive exchange anyway. If your goal isn’t to get her number, but simply to engage her in a brief but pleasant conversation, and to listen to her, you don’t need to fear talking to any woman, no matter how beautiful, sexy, or pissed off she is. You can be the one who makes her day simply by saying ‘Wow, it sounds like you’re having a terrible day’.
So am I recommending you totally forget asking for dates and numbers? No way. But what I am suggesting is that you give yourself a break from feeling the need to do either for a bit, say a few weeks, while you get out there and start engaging every desirable woman who crosses your path in a positive exchange. Why? Because I want engaging in positive exchanges with beautiful hot women to be just another one of those things you do every day. I want it to become part of your routine, just like eating, sleeping, working, and working out. I want you to become so accustomed to looking for ways to make this happen that the whole prospect of approaching beautiful women loses all of its dread and awe inspiring ability.
And that’s when you’re going to start asking for their numbers and asking them out ‘ when it’s no longer a matter of life and death. When you can approach them with confidence and ease because you have no expectations other than a positive exchange. And guess what? That’s when they’re going to start saying yes ‘ because they so enjoyed chatting with you, because you looked them in the eyes and listened while they were speaking, because you brightened their day, and they look forward to seeing you again.
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